Dear Cast & Crew of How I Met Your Mother,
A few years back, I think around 2009, I discovered your wonderful show and quickly raced through the seasons up until the current episodes, when I started tuning in every week. I don't remember who exactly got me into it first, whether it was my cousin or my friends at school. I remember finding out later that another group of friends, my fellow co-workers at Camp Tuckabatchee, were also big fans of the show. Which was great, because it opened up a whole new slew of references I could make, and they completely understood why Neil Patrick Harris was on my "if I was gay" list. Two of them even suited up and went laser-tagging with me last January.
Mo, Kelpie, and I all "suited up" for some epic laser tag.
I remember in high school, every Tuesday at lunch, my friends and I would all sit down around the table and quote funny lines from the previous night's episode at each other. Ben and I would always compete for biggest fan, although I think Charlie and Chris always kept close behind. Charlie kept The Playbook in his locker, even though there were no girls in sight. Ben always did the best Robin impressions.
"We gave you Trivial Pursuit! You're welcome, Earth."
So good.
Basically, HIMYM is awesome. From laser-tagging in suits to me and John's yearbook quotes, that show always brightened my life and gave us a few laughs. It was always one of the best parts of the week, that Tuesday lunch.
Apparently the yearbook staff didn't have a HIMYM fan on it.
Then Ben committed suicide a year ago, on Tuesday, January 18th, 2011.
Ben. Friend, classmate, Canadian. He was very defensive of his fear of the dark.
I tried to sit at our normal table that day, but no one joined me. I think eventually someone came and made me sit at another table, leaving it empty. I've been called an "emotional cripple", and that day really was no different. I went on as nothing had happened, almost nonchalantly mentioning Ben's death to my parents on the phone. I felt terrible, but had no idea how to express my grief.
I went home that night, fairly shook up inside, and realized I had been too busy writing some essay to watch HIMYM the previous night. So I settled in to watch the episode, hoping for a distraction. That episode happened to be "Last Words", the funeral service for Marshall's deceased father.
I wanted some comic relief, but that episode hit way too close to home. What were Ben's last words to me? Why did he do it? Did Ben watch this before he died?
That episode left me thinking, and it made me grieve for Ben, something I had been hiding from all day. HIMYM was there for me, on a serious note, exactly when I needed it. Every Monday when I watch a new episode, or when I pop in a DVD to re-watch the series, I am reminded of laser-tagging with friends who have moved away, reading the Bro Code with my grade school BFF, and Ben.
The next day we all gathered around the lunch table dressed in black to talk about Ben. I think I was the only one to watch the episode for a week or so, since the funeral for Marshall's dad was pretty hard to watch. Of course, we eventually all figured out ways to remember and honor Ben. Chris runs marathons dedicated to him. Another Ben and Emily started a suicide prevention fundraiser. I re-watch every episode of HIMYM.
Our lunch table celebrating Charlie's birthday last May.
When I meet new people and I'm trying to get to know them, one of my first questions is "Do you ever watch How I Met Your Mother?" It's one of those threads that connects all the people I've met in my life: my high school friends, my camp friends, my college friends. Some of these friends have called my love for the show an "obsession". I always just smile and say "It is." Because the show is fun, but still discusses real issues. It's a show about the search for love, relationships, suits, and mostly just a group of five friends living life together.
We built a box fort on International Suit Up Day!
So, thank you cast and crew. You've made something really special, and it isn't just some silly sitcom that people look to for laughs. It has touched my life and many others, and the day we finally discover who the mother is will be a sad one for me.
Miss you, Ben.
Cole Gleason